Rod Satterwhite and David Greenspan are members of the Labor & Employment group at McGuireWoods LLP. Both handle employment litigation on behalf of employers, and advise companies on employment issues regularly.
posted on Thursday, October 11, 2007 4:39 PM by Lou Michels

NYT Advice--Boss's Memo: Go ahead, date (with my blessing)

An article in today's New York Times seems to indicate that it's no big deal to date coworkers and that employers are generally turning a blind eye to the practice.  Citing surveys in careerbuilder.com and the Society for Human Resource Management, the article also quotes a number of consultants who seem to say that concern over the traditional bugaboos of workplace dating--sexual harassment, gender discrimination, etc.--are fading.  As a result, more couples are being open about their workplace relationships.

Notwithstanding the fact that every single consultant cited in the article either met their spouse at work (and in one case dated the boss), or engage in extensive workplace dating, I have to question the impression that's created here.  The vast majority of my clients frown on workplace romances for any number of reasons, but mainly because they're bad for morale and they create a distraction for everyone else. 

One of the consultants, founder of a nonprofit organization promoting fairness in the workplace (now that's a tall order) noted that forbidding office dating is not a solution.  "The real issue is not that they're sleeping with each other... the real issue is that their emotional attachment to each other may get in the way of their business judgment."

This is about as dumb as statement as I can recall seeing in the Times.  I guess it's possible that people can have sex repeatedly and avoid emotional attachment that carries over into their day-to-day interactions  in the workplace, but the two in my experience are usually linked pretty tightly.  The issues, I mean.  The comment also ignores the obvious problem of what the coworkers think about the relationship.  Regardless of what reality is, the perception in the workplace will be that these two people are going to be looking out for each other and will take steps within their sphere of influence to benefit each other, almost always unfairly.

But hey, I didn't meet my wife at work, so perhaps my perception (based on literally dozens of workplace investigations involving allegations of sexual harassment, favoritism, nepotism and the like resulting from romantic relationships) is simply out of touch.  Perhaps.

Comments

# re: Boss's Memo: Go ahead, date (with my blessing)

Friday, October 12, 2007 11:19 AM by william simmons
I agree with you. I think dating a coworker is very bad judgement and an invitation to a possible lawsuit. It is a career killer. Bill Simmons

# re: Boss's Memo: Go ahead, date (with my blessing)

Friday, October 12, 2007 11:37 AM by jb
Making a policy that prohibits interoffice romances is like telling your teenager that they can't date. It will happen anyway, just behind everyone's back. That isn't to say that discretion is a bad thing. The less people know, the less impact it will have on others, however policies should be more concentrated on dealing with conflicts of interest than forbidding dating. The forbidden fruit is always the sweetest.

# re: Boss's Memo: Go ahead, date (with my blessing)

Friday, October 12, 2007 11:45 AM by Jim
I don't think you are out of touch, but the reality of today's busy world is that work becomes your life and sometimes is the only environment in which to get to know someone enough to feel comfortable in a relationship. Singles bars and online dating services are risky at best. The employees have to be sensible enough to understand that they have to segregate the job environment from their relationship and leave that totally and completely to after hours. I've seen relationships that work ok that way and I've seen them not. It's a tough situation but it is reality today.

# re: NYT Advice--Boss's Memo: Go ahead, date (with my blessing)

Friday, October 12, 2007 4:20 PM by HR Wench
I remember when dating in the workplace was a huge no-no...it does seem less so now. Personally, I know I have much bigger fish to fry as the HR Manager of a small privately held company where I am a department of one. Of course, the majority of our employees are level-headed and mature and don't seem to let love make them nutty.

I think that the risk of dating in the workplace really depends on the company, employee population and industry. Also, it is much easier to have a policy already in the ground regarding this type of thing than to change horses mid stream; especially in companies with traditionally younger employee populations such as a call center, retail store or restaurant.

I think companies with strong leadership that includes competent HR practitioners engaged in business partner roles have a much easier time training managers to be straight forward and not afraid to confront employees displaying inappropriate behavior. Others, not so much. I hear stories from family and friends about the HR practitioners at their workplaces that make my jaw hit the floor.

While training MAY help curb some inappropriate behavior, I strongly feel assertive managers who "nip things in the bud" are more successful in shaping their employee's behavior. If I am no-nonsense my employees are less likely to pull inappropriate behaviors because they don't want me to have to tell them kissing in the hallway or writing love notes via email is not professional, not ok and will not be tolerated here. It's way too embarassing.

As for forming alliances and "looking out" for each other - that is totally unavoidable even with non-dating employees. I have employees that have worked together and been friends for 20+ years. They are fiercly loyal to each other but since we manage our people as fairly as possible they don't have a NEED to "have each other's back". They know it is not us versus them. It's a business. If you want it to succeed you need to be part of the team and work towards making everyone here successful in their work.

Of course I am not a lawyer that has seen as much of "the dark side" as you have so perhaps I am more idealistic!

# re: NYT Advice--Boss's Memo: Go ahead, date (with my blessing)

Tuesday, December 11, 2007 9:54 AM by Lou Michels
These are all good points--and I agree that an employee handbook is not likely to be an effective hormone stopper. But that doesn't mean the organization has to roll over and allow intra-office romance as a matter of policy. To the extent policies frowning on these type of relationships push them underground, and out of the perception range of co-workers, that's a good thing, IMHO.